I am proudly autistic, asexual, and kinky.

In the last couple of posts on here, I discussed the idea of getting a vasectomy as a prerequisite to engaging in sexual activity.  I am now happy to say that the vasectomy is done, and I am now in the “purge” stage, where I am pushing out whatever sperm was already downstream from the surgery site.  And talk about an easy procedure: I was in and out of the building in about 45 minutes.

One thing that I was concerned about going into this was that my lack of sexual activity of any kind would cause some doctors to decline to perform the procedure, much like the stories that I have heard where doctors will sometimes decline to do the procedure on someone who they seem to be too young.  Fortunately, that sort of issue never came up, and the doctor never questioned anything with me.  I imagine that it was because I was over 40, and also that I bought my partner in with me, i.e. I am quite mature, and in a committed relationship.

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When we last spoke, I discussed how, despite running a blog about kink and sexuality, I have never actually had sex.  And in the time since we last spoke, I remain a virgin.  However, I have spent the better part of a year doing a lot of research and soul-searching, and have come to the realization that I am asexual, and that on the asexuality spectrum, I fall somewhere between sex-averse and sex-repulsed, while still feeling romantic attraction.  I also recognize that there is probably nothing that I can do to change that, because that’s just how I’m wired.

Before coming to this conclusion, however, I did my research, looking at it from every angle that I could think of.  I started by looking at it from a fear perspective, but I came to a dead end, because I felt like I couldn’t make get close enough to it to even worry about being afraid of it.  I also felt like the various “solutions” that I found online about a fear of sex didn’t address the issue.  I have engaged in some sexual touching with my partner, after all, but it was with a gloved hand.  So it was pretty clear that it’s not a phobia, so that’s out.  I also looked into the possibility of low libido, and what that involves.  One of the big questions that those ask is whether or not you masturbate.  I do masturbate on a somewhat regular basis, usually once or twice a week, which helps to relieve stress.  Another big question that typically gets asked in that situation is whether or not this is a recent thing, and in my case, it isn’t.  I’ve always been like this.  Nothing has changed as far as libido goes.  Similarly, I looked into Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, or HSDD.  That again didn’t check all of the boxes, as that requires the condition to cause some amount of distress, and I’m not distressed by it.  The only distress is caused by external factors, in that my partner makes sure that I know that she is not happy about the lack of sex in our relationship.  Me, I could go my entire life without copulating and be just fine.  In short, it’s none of those things.

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For someone who runs a blog about kink and sexuality and how these things meld together, I have a confession that many might find surprising: I have never actually had sex.

The whole thing makes me think about what happened in the second season of Ink Master.  In that season, one of the contestants was a very accomplished tattoo artist, but he had no tattoos on his own skin, unlike everyone else on the show.  The judges made a big stink about the guy’s not having any tattoos, but I felt that the criticism was unfair because it was ultimately his own choice about what he wanted to do with his own body, and he should not feel obligated to do something with his body that he didn’t necessarily want to just because he was “supposed to” have tattoos as a tattoo artist.  The same thing applies here.  I feel that one can be a voice discussing kink, sexuality, and the like and still never have had sex.  After all, it’s my body, and therefore it’s my choice.

I had considered discussing this topic for a number of years, and had gone back and forth on whether I really wanted to discuss this topic, being concerned that revealing this would harm my credibility when talking about BDSM and the like.  After all, one would think that a prerequisite to discussing sexuality and exploring one’s sexuality would be to have experienced having sex at some point in one’s life.  But I have never experienced sexual intercourse before, though I certainly have had sexual gratification before, both by myself and with other people.  I finally decided to write about it because I suspect that I am not alone.  I am most likely not the only one who is kinky as fuck, and yet has never “done the deed” with someone.  I hope, by discussing it, that it helps others who are in similar situations and who may be questioning things themselves.

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A few weeks ago, I had an “aha” moment when I was thinking about crossdressing and some of what makes it so pleasurable for me. I came to realize that Jennifer, in her own way, is a form of bondage.  I may not be physically restrained (though I have definitely done some scenes as Jennifer), but it’s more of a mental thing.  I typically go out without any option to easily change out of female attire, and now that I’ve started going into makeup, it’s far less straightforward than simply changing clothes.  Whenever I go out, there is almost always some element that is difficult to undo in the field, which de facto locks me into Jennifer until I get home.

How I accomplish that little bit of bondage that keeps me locked into Jennifer varies by adventure, but it’s usually something simple.  For my January trip to Pennsylvania, where I first started using makeup for Jennifer, it was the lipstick.  The lipstick locked me into Jennifer mode, because once applied, it wasn’t coming off easily, as I did not have makeup removal wipes on that outing.  In more recent cases, the bondage has been my nails.  I will typically paint my nails in a nice girly color, and that stuff is not coming off easily.  And that keeps me locked into Jennifer, since the nails would be a dead giveaway that something is up.

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As is typical for the holiday season, my workplace decorates its facility.  They put up a Christmas tree, they hung some garlands around the place, and they put this next to the entrance:

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Ever since the local governments rescinded much of the pandemic restrictions, I began going out as Jennifer a whole lot less than I was doing.  Let’s admit – it’s fun to be Jennifer, but she has her ups and downs.  One thing that I always enjoy is doing trips as Jennifer, where I am committed to her persona for the entire trip.  In those instances, I only pack stuff for Jennifer, and so I would have to buy an entire set of clothes to get out of Jennifer’s skin, which provides a barrier to a quick changeout.  After all, Jennifer as you have known her is entirely clothing, so she can be donned and doffed in relatively short order.  However, in the past year, I’ve changed how I present Jennifer a bit.  With the pandemic measures’ subsiding, I’ve found it harder to get away with Jennifer in the form that I’ve known her.  A gold bodysuit, while fun, is harder to justify now that masks are coming off.

One thing about masks-optional, though, is that while Jennifer was previously becoming somewhat routine, the option of not having to mask injected a level of fun back into her.  Now, Jennifer was once again a special occasion.  She was something different and exciting.  Though initially, Jennifer kept her usual presentation, i.e. the gold bodysuit, as I continued to dress in the gold bodysuit for Jennifer through the end of 2021.

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There’s a certain level of fun when combining  some of my interests – BDSM and crossdressing, in this case.  A few months ago, I got to do that when visiting a friend for a little play date.  For this, Jennifer wore her slinky little red dress and black heels, and we had fun putting me in various positions on the different equipment for the camera as well as doing some light flogging and other such teasing.

Posing with a stripper pole.

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So it’s been a few months since last we spoke, and in that time, I’ve been going out as Jennifer about once a week.  I’ve become quite comfortable in her skin, as I feel quite confident going out and doing things while so attired.  I also now wear a pair of gaff underwear when going out as Jennifer, which works to conceal the dangly bits.  In addition, I now have a debit card with my girl name on it.  The bank knows who’s behind it, so all is well there, but now I can give people a card that says “Jennifer” on it rather than my real name, preventing me from blowing my cover, and which makes things feel just a tad more complete.

And all the while, I’m still getting photos while I’m out.  Here are some:

Standing in front of Starbucks at Tysons Corner Mall, holding up a cup of coffee.  My girlfriend described this photo as my having achieved “basic bitch” status.

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I guess that you could say, “That escalated quickly.”  Since last we spoke, I have been going out as Jennifer quite a bit, and having a lot of fun with it.  On the days that I don’t have work, when I need to go out, I’ve been putting on the gold zentai and being Jennifer.  I’ve also put some renewed effort into it, getting some new outfits, as well as new boobs.  Recall that Jennifer’s original breasts were homemade, made out of nylon stockings and rice:

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So… I believe that I have finally figured out how to reconcile the whole mask-mandate thing with the masks-are-fun thing.  With my state, Maryland, still requiring everyone to wear masks, and all of the other nearby states within a reasonable drive (i.e. DC, Virginia, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania) also now requiring masks, it required a change of strategy.  For my girlfriend and I, our original strategy was to avoid doing our shopping in the jurisdictions that required masks in order to not have to participate in the state-mandated security theater.  First we avoided our home jurisdiction of Montgomery County, Maryland.  Then masks were required statewide in Maryland, and Pennsylvania and DC shortly after that.  So we would go to Virginia to do our shopping.  That wasn’t the worst thing in the world, because I also work in Virginia, and would couple grocery runs and other shopping trips with work when I could, and we would also make other trips to Virginia if we needed to.  We got to know Northern Virginia much better for this, and that wasn’t a bad thing by any means.  Then at the end of May, Virginia started requiring masks as well.  So we started going out to West Virginia, in the Charles Town and Martinsburg areas.  Then West Virginia joined the mask bandwagon, which meant that everyone within reasonable driving time required masks.  This was followed shortly thereafter by a flurry of companies enacting their own policies requiring masks to shop.  So I was thinking, well, crap, as my girlfriend and I were more or less boxed in on this if we actually wanted to shop.

Then I had an idea: Jennifer.  The way that I figured, I might as well have a little bit of fun with it and be Jennifer when I go shopping.  In order to do this, I had to make some modifications to how I did Jennifer.  I also am a lot smaller than I used to be, as I underwent weight loss surgery last December.  As a result of that, Jennifer looks a bit different now than she did when I last showed her off to you in 2018.  So for this adventure, first and foremost, I got a new zentai – one with open eyes.  I needed to be able to see in order for Jennifer to go shopping, as I’ve complained before about not being able to see well through the original flesh-toned suit.  I eventually found a shiny gold-colored suit by Wolf Unitard on Amazon that had open eyes.  It didn’t look as natural as the original suit (which still fits) did, but it worked for my purposes.

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