I am proudly autistic, asexual, and kinky.

A few weeks ago, I had an “aha” moment when I was thinking about crossdressing and some of what makes it so pleasurable for me. I came to realize that Jennifer, in her own way, is a form of bondage.  I may not be physically restrained (though I have definitely done some scenes as Jennifer), but it’s more of a mental thing.  I typically go out without any option to easily change out of female attire, and now that I’ve started going into makeup, it’s far less straightforward than simply changing clothes.  Whenever I go out, there is almost always some element that is difficult to undo in the field, which de facto locks me into Jennifer until I get home.

How I accomplish that little bit of bondage that keeps me locked into Jennifer varies by adventure, but it’s usually something simple.  For my January trip to Pennsylvania, where I first started using makeup for Jennifer, it was the lipstick.  The lipstick locked me into Jennifer mode, because once applied, it wasn’t coming off easily, as I did not have makeup removal wipes on that outing.  In more recent cases, the bondage has been my nails.  I will typically paint my nails in a nice girly color, and that stuff is not coming off easily.  And that keeps me locked into Jennifer, since the nails would be a dead giveaway that something is up.

I’ve only used the gold bodysuit once this year, for a little photo walk in Ocean City back in September, and I had painted nails underneath.  However, I did have a brief “aha” moment when it comes to bondage and the suit.  I recently ordered a locking harness gag from Amazon, and the locks that came with the gag also fit in the zippers on the bodysuit.  So it is now possible for me to lock myself into the suit.  I had considered doing just that for that photo walk on the Ocean City trip, locking myself into the suit in the hotel room and then leaving the key to the lock in the room while I went out, meaning that I physically wouldn’t be able to take the suit off, or even take the head down, for any reason.  Ultimately, however, I was too chicken to actually do it, thinking about that off chance that I would need to take the head down in a hurry, like if I suddenly had to throw up or something.  I didn’t want to go there quite yet, but it is something that I would like to work my way up to, i.e. getting enough nerve up to actually go through with it.  I imagine it would be kind of exciting, as long as I can get past the initial trepidation.

It’s funny – as soon as I had this realization, that Jennifer is a form of mental bondage of sorts, I was like, yup, not surprised at all.  I knew that it was more than simply crossdressing that turned me on about Jennifer, and bondage is what it was.  After all, what I’m doing as Jennifer is essentially locking myself into a different persona for a time, and putting myself into a situation that I cannot easily get out of.  It’s fun, and it’s kind of exciting.  Even better is that it’s something that only I am in on, and I do my best to keep it that way.  Take a look at these two selfies that I took on a recent overnight outing in September:

And by the way, yes, Jennifer is over 40 now, and so I’ve kind of moved away from the idea that Jennifer does not wear glasses despite that I wear them in real life.  To that end, I’ve gone on Zenni and bought a cheap pair of prescription glasses that I use with Jennifer that are different than what I wear in real life.

Regardless of eyewear, though, in looking at these photos, would you expect anything out of the ordinary here?  Hopefully, you don’t.  But this is what keeps me locked into it:

As long as those nails are blue, I have to stay Jennifer.  That mental bondage is kind of exciting, and it’s also sort of freeing at the same time, since I can escape my usual self and be someone else for a while.

And then when I did the bodysuit on this same adventure, rest assured that Jennifer looked fabulous:

And, as is often the case when I go out in gold, I got hit on!  Clearly, guys like a woman with a little mystery behind her.  That amuses me, but Jennifer always handles it pretty well.  I also found it interesting on this particular outing that despite the pandemic’s having been over for quite some time, with almost no one’s wearing masks anymore in Ocean City (though you see more in DC), not a single business that Jennifer went into while attired in this way batted an eye over her appearance.  I guess the pandemic has desensitized people to all sorts of coverings, but nonetheless, I still don’t use the bodysuit much anymore.

So there you have it, I suppose.  It all comes together, and while the realization was a bit of a surprise to me, it was also not shocking.  Jennifer is bondage in her own special way, but I love every minute of it.